For Creativity Challenge Day 23: Freedom
Don’t know if you remember me, but I doubt I will ever forget you. You saved my life, gave me back the freedom to be me, when I felt totally alone in a swirling darkness, wanting only to curl myself into a trembling ball of fear and confusion. And I need to thank you for doing that.
That day, lost and alone in a howling wind of memories and feelings, I did something I have never done before. I dialed the number for the Sexual Assault Hotline, wondering about my own sanity in doing such a thing. I’m seventy years old and the sexual abuse is thirty years, and more, in the past. But, I’d been unknowingly triggered by the Billy Bush/Trump video and found myself unable to proceed in the manner that I had come to know as me.
I am a writer, putting a book of poetry together, finding myself completely incapable of creating a sentence that made even a minimum of sense. Writing has always been my preferred choice of therapy, and now suddenly, I could not even begin to think about doing it, without total confusion and insensibility over-riding any and all thought. To say I was desperate, doesn’t even come close.
I don’t really remember all that I babbled in your ear, but you were obviously listening intently. I think I told you some of my history: the uncle who molested me at age eight, the teen-age boy who stalked me only a few years later, the guy I babysat for, and the rape inside of my marriage. And between those bits and pieces, how writing was my means of getting through, making sense, and understanding my world. I’m fairly certain I told you much more than I intended to, because when I finely ran down, you calmly reminded me of who I really am.
What you said to me was a bit of a shock. I hadn’t realized how much I had told you in those moments while you listened. What you said, went something like this: “Elizabeth, you might not be able to write in this present moment, but you will write again. I don’t believe I know anyone who writes poetry and I’d like to read yours. I certainly don’t know anyone who has been involved in a Grammy Nomination because of a poem, she wrote. Nor, do I know anyone who taught others that same craft on a University level. Just keep breathing and you will write again. It is within you, what and who you are, and I know you will do it.”
And I calmed down, almost immediately. You gave me back the freedom that I so cherish. The freedom to speak my Truth, in my own fashion. The freedom to break the silence that others might force upon me, because they don’t want to hear that of which I speak.
Not only have I been able to write, but at the moment, am leading a Creativity Challenge online, for writers and artists, who together, are lifting their voices to soothe and heal the distress of this current election. And I can only thank you for releasing me from the paralysis of a past that is all too silently accepted by so many. But, far worse, by others who think that redefining reality by calling it locker room banter, is reason enough to elect a sexual predator to our highest seat of government.
Have been away for a while, but still playing with the kaleidoscope app. Trying it out on photos. Took some pics of the moon last night. Played with them this morning. I like the results. The original photo is first and then the kaleidoscope images. And yes, some of the photos are somewhat blurred, and that blurring becomes a part of the design pattern. It seems to soften them some what. The clouds moved in and altered the images once again. The bright orange colors comes from the tree and buildings in the foreground of the image. You can enlarge any of the images by clicking on them.
Went to my sister’s for the 4th. Took pictures of the bonfire and had to play with them, of course. Hope you enjoy.
To enlarge any of the images, simply click on it.
Haven’t been here for a long time. Decided to explore some of the digital art I did a while back and began playing with it. The results are this slide show of a few of those images run through the kaleidoscope app. Hope you enjoy.
My thirteen year old granddaughter came for a visit last week. She is into Art, so we did some playing here on the computer. I showed her how to do some things (http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/bella-stones/), and while exploring them, she offered suggestions I had not thought of doing. She is now back safe and sound at home, but our time together had me reflecting on things I used to do. As a result, I found some new avenues of exploration. Thank you Bella.
While she was here, we went for a drive and got some photos at the shore of the Bay.
This is only one of the photos I took. When we got home, I downloaded it and put it through the Kaleidoscope application and ended up with this.
This week, because she had reminded me of some of the things I used to do, but had actually forgotten, I went back to the Kali image and did some smudging and used the liquefy tool.
And, of course, always ready to experiment, I took the present incarnation back to the Kali app and ended up with this:
It is wonderful to experience the give and take between generations, and all of those varied possibilities.